Saturday, July 21, 2012


TUBES: A Journey to the Center of the Internet, Andrew Blum, HarperCollins, NY, 2012

            It is not down in any map; true places never are.       -Herman Melville

Somehow I knew that the notional space behind all of the computer screens would be one single universe.             -William Gibson

Prologue
4
Sitting at my desk in front of a computer screen all day, and then getting up at the end of the day and habitually looking at the smaller screen I carry in my pocket, I accepted that the world inside them was distinct from the sensory world all around me, as if the screens’ glass were not transparent but opaque, a solid border between dimensions.  To be online was to be disembodied, reduced to eyes and fingertips.  There wasn’t much to do about it.  There was the virtual world and the physical world, cyberspace and real places, and never the two shall meet.

But as if in a fairy tale, the [cable eating squirrel: see story on 1,2] cracked open the door to a previously invisible realm behind the screen, a world of wires and the spaces in between.  The chewed cable suggested that there could be a way of stitching the Internet and the real world together again into a single place.  What if the Internet wasn’t an invisible elsewhere, but actually a somewhere?  Because this much I knew: the wire in the backyard led to another wire, and another behind that, beyond to a whole world of wires.  The Internet wasn’t actually a cloud; only a willful delusion could convince anyone of that.  Nor was it substantially wireless.  The Internet couldn’t just be everywhere.  But then where was it?  What would that place look like? Who would I find? Why were they there?  I decided to visit the Internet
           
8         
The network’s physical reality is less than real, it’s irrelevant.   . . .   the Internet is a landscape of the mind.

9-10
In basest terms, the Internet is made of pulses of light.  Those pulses might seem miraculous, but they’re not magic.  They are produced by powerful lasers contained in steel boxes housed (predominantly) in unmarked buildings.  The lasers exist.  The boxes exist.  The building exist.  The Internet exists, it has a physical reality, an essential infrasture, . . .

12
After World War II, the fixed steel lines of the railroads gave way to the more flexible movement of rubber ties over new roads.  The hard networks became softer.  And the Menomonee Valley near Milwaukee] started a steady decline, paralleling that of the nation’s manufacturing more broadly.  The United States became a country that produced ideas more than things.  The “machine shop of the world” became the buckle of the Rust Belt.  Milwaukee’s factories were left abandoned, and then only more recently, turned into condominiums.

13-14
[about: Kubin-Nicholson: silk screening, Tele-Geography: GIG (Global Internet Geography) $5,495 ea.]

15
a cartography class taught by Mark Monmonier, author of the cult favorite How to Lie with Maps.

18
The maps were themselves like the dyes that trace fluid dynamics, their mere presence highlighting the currents and eddies of the physical Internet.

Friday, July 6, 2012

The Swerve: How the World Became Modern


112      The Swerve: How the World Became Modern, Stephen Greenblatt, W.W. Norton, NY, 2011


PREFACE
7
[Swerve defined: an unexpected, unpredictable movement of matter.]

10
. . . when you look in Siena at Duccio’s painting of the enthroned Virgin, the Maesta, and then in Florence at Botticelli’s Primaven, a painting that, not coincidentally, was influenced by On the Nature of Things. 

THE BOOK HUNTER
CHAPTER ONE

THE MOMENT OF DISCOVERY
CHAPTER TWO

IN SEARCH OF LUCRETIUS
CHAPTER THREE

67
In the years leading up to the assassination of Julius Caesar, philosophical speculation was hardly the only available response to social stress.  Religious cults originating in far-off places like Persia, Syria, and Palestine began to make their way to the capital, where they6 aroused wild fears and expectations, particularly among the plebs.  A handful of the elite, those more insecure or simply curious, may have attended with something other than contempt to the prophecies from the east, prophecies of a savior born of obscure parentage who would be brought low, suffer terribly, and yet ultimately triumph.  But most would have regarded such tales as the overheated fantasies of a sect of stiff-necked Jews.

73
That Lucretius and many others did more than simply associate themselves with Epicurus, that they celebrated him as godlike in his wisdom and courage, depended not on his social credentials but upon what they took to be the saving power of his vision.  The core of this vision may be traced back to a single incandescent idea: that everything that has ever existed and everything that will ever exist is put together out of indestructible building blocks, irreducibly small in size, unimaginably vast in number.  The Greeks had a word for these invisible building blocks, things that, as they conceived them, could not be divided any further: atoms.


THE TEETH OF TIME
CHAPTER FOUR

97
What was ridiculous about Christianity, from the perspective of a cultivated pagan, was not only its language, the crude style of the Gospels’ Greek resting on the barbarous otherness of Hebrew and Aramaic, but also its exaltation of divine humiliation and pain conjoined with an arrogant triumphalism.

98
Epicurus did not deny the existence of gods.  Rather, he thought that if the concept of divinity make any sense at all, the gods could not possible by concerned with anything but their own pleasures.

99
The early Church Father Tertullian vehemently insisted that, despite all appearances, everything would come back in the afterlife, down to the last details of the mortal body. 



101-102
But Christians particularly found Epicureanism a noxious threat.  If you grant Epicurus his claim that the soul is mortal, wrote Tertullian, the whole fabric of Christian morality unravels.  For Epicurus, human suffering is always finite: “if it is slight, he [Epicurus] says, you may despise it, if it is great it will not be long.”  But to be Christian, Tertullian countered, is to believe that torture and pain last forever:  “Epicurus utterly destroys religion,” wrote another Church Father; take Providence away, and “confusion and disorder will overtake life.”

Christian polemicists had to find a way to turn the current of mockery against Epicurus and his followers.  Ridiculing the pagan pantheon did not work in this case, since Epicureanism eloquently dismantled the whole sacrificial worship of the gods and dismissed the ancient stories.  What had to be done was to refashion the account of the founder Epicurus so that he appeared no longer as an apostle of moderation in the service of reasonable pleasure but instead as a Falstaffian figure of riotous excess.  He was a fool, a pig, a madman.  And his principal Roman disciple, Lucretius, had to be comparable made over.

103
A hatred of pleasure-seeking and a vision of God’s providential rage: these were death knells of Epicureanism, henceforward branded by the faithful as “insane.”  Lucretius had urged the person who felt the prompting of sexual desire to satisfy it: “a dash of gentle pleasure sooths the sting.”  Christianity, as a story rehearsed by Gregory demonstrates, pointed in a different direction.  The pious Benedict found himself thinking of a woman he had once seen, and, before he knew what was happening, his desires were aroused.

He then noticed a think patch of nettles and briers next to him.  Throwing his garment aside he flung himself into the sharp thorns and stinging nettles.  There he rolled and tossed until his whole body was in pain and covered with blood.  Yet, once he had conquered pleasure through suffering, his torn and bleeding skin served to drain the poison of temptation from his body.  Before long, the pain that was burning his whole body had put out the fires of evil in his heart.  It was by exchanging these two fires that he gained the victory over sin.

What worked for the saint in the early sixth century would, as monastic rules made clear, work for others.  In one of the great cultural transformations in the history of the West, the pursuit of pain triumphed over the pursuit of pleasure.

109
Pleasure seeking had come to seem philosophically indefensible.  Epicurus was dead and buried, almost all of his works destroyed.  And after St. Jerome in the fourth century briefly noted that Lucretius had committed suicide, there were no attacks on Epicurus’ great Roman disciple.  He was forgotten.

The survival of the disciple’s once celebrated poem was left to fortune.  It was by chance that a copy of On the Nature of Things made it into the library of a handful of monasteries, places that had buried, seemingly forever, the Epicurean pursuit of pleasure.  It was by chance that a monk laboring in a scriptorium somewhere or other in the ninth century copies the poem before it moldered away forever.  And it was by chance that his copy escaped fire and flood and the teeth of time for some five hundred years until, one day in 1417, it came into the hands of the humanist who proudly called himself Poggius Florentinus, Poggio the Florentine.


BIRTH AND REBIRTH
CHAPTER FIVE

118-19
Petrarch was a devout Christian, and throughout his life he reflected with ardent seriousness on his spiritual condition.  And yet he was, over the course of a complex career of restless journeying, diplomacy, soul-searching, and compulsive writing, a man held in the grip of a fascination with pagan antiquity that he himself could never completely fathom.  Though he was for long periods of his life a relatively solitary figure, Petrarch did not keep his fascination to himself.  He insisted with missionary zeal on the expressive power, the beauty, and the challenge of all that lay broken and buried beneath the crushing weight of neglect.

A gifted scholar, Petrarch began to search for ancient texts that had been forgotten.  He was not the first to do so, but he managed to invest this search with a new, almost erotic urgency and pleasure, superior to all other treasure seeking:

Gold, silver, jewels, purple garments, houses built of marble, groomed estates, pious paintings, caparisoned steeds, and other things of this kind offer a mutable and superficial pleasure; books give delight to the very marrow of one’s bones.  They speak to us, consult with us, and join with us in a living and intense intimacy.

Copying, comparing, and correcting the ancient Latin texts that he found, Petrarch returned them to circulation by sharing them with a vast network of correspondents to whom, often rising at mid night to sit at his desk, he wrote with manic energy.  And he responded to the ancient writers as if they were somehow a living part of this network, intimate friends and family with whom he could share his thoughts.  When he found a great cache of Cicero’s private letters to his wealthy friend Atticus, candid letters filled with glimpses of egotism, ambition, and resentment, Petrarch did not hesitate to write a letter to Cicero, reproaching him for failing to live up to his own high principles.

120
The early humanists felt themselves, with mingled pride, wonder, and fear, to be involved in an epochal movement.  In part the movement involved recognizing that something that had seemed alive was really dead.  For centuries, princes and prelates had claimed that they were continuing the living traditions of the classical world and had appropriated, in some form or other, the symbols Petrarch and those he inspired insisted that this easy appropriation was a lie: The Roman Empire did not actually exist in Aachen, where the ruler who called himself the :Holy Roman Emperor” was crowned: the institutions and ideas that had defined the world of Cicero and Virgil had been torn to pieces, and the Latin written by the philosophers and theologians of the past six or seven hundred years was an ugly and distorted image, life that reflected in a badly made mirror, of what had once been so beautifully eloquent.  It was better not to pretend any longer, but to acknowledge that there was no continuity.  Instead, there was a corpse, long buried and by now disintegrated, under one’s feet.

124
At the center of Florence’s cramped urban landscape of fortified towers and walled monasteries was the Palazzo della Signoria, the political heart of the republic.  It was here for Salutati that the city’s glory resided.  The independence of Florence, the fact that it was not a client of another state, that it was not dependent on the papacy, and that it was not ruled by a king, a tyrant, or a prelate but governed by a body of its own citizens, was for Salutati what most mattered in the world.

IN THE LIE FACTORY
CHAPTER SIX
135
For an ambitious provincial upstart like Poggio, the swirling, swollen orbit of the pope was the principal magnet, but Rome held out other opportunities.  The powerful Roman noble families, most prominently, the Colonna or the Orsini, could always find some way to make use of someone endowed with excellent Latin and exquisite handwriting.  Still more, the bishops and cardinals residing in Rome had their own smaller courts, in which a notary’s ability to draft and pen legal documents was a sought-after skill.  Upon his arrival, Poggio found a place in one of these courts, that of the cardinal of Bari.  But this was only a brief halt on the way to the higher goal of papal service, whether in the palace (the palatium) or the court (the Curia). Before the year was out, the staunchly republican Salutati had pulled enough strings at the court of the reigning pope, Boniface IX, to help his prized pupil get what he most wanted, the coveted position of scribe, apostolic scriptor.


140
The curia, the friends agree, is a great place not only for serious study but also for lighter amusements such as gaming, horsemanship, and hunting.  Kist think of the dinner parties at the papal court, witty gossip, along with fantastic food and drink served by beautiful, young, hairless boys.  And for those whose tastes do not run in the direction of Ganymede, there are the abundant pleasures of Venus. Mistresses, adulterous matrons, courtesans of all descriptions occupy a central place in the curia, and appropriately so, since the delights they offer have such a central place in human happiness.  Lewd songs, naked breasts, kissing, fondling, with small white lapdogs trained to lick around your groin to excite desire, and all for remarkably low prices.

142
Poggio had established himself at the very center of what he called “the Bugiale,” the Lie Factory.  There, in a room at the court, the papal secretaries would regularly gather to exchange stories and jokes.  “Nobody was spared,” Poggio wrote, in a phrase echoed by Lapo, “and whatever met with our disapprobation was freely censured; oftentimes the Pope himself was the first subject-matter of our criticism.”  The chatter, trivial, mendacious, sly, slanderous, often obscene, was the kind of speech that is almost forgotten before its sound fades away, but Poggio seems not to have forgotten any of it.  He went back to his desk and, in his best Latin, fashioned the conversations he had had in the Lie Factory into something he entitled the Facetiae

144
By the 16th century, the Catholic hierarchy, deeply alarmed by the Protestant Reformation, would attempt to stamp out within its own ranks this current of subversive humor.  Poggio’s Facetiae was on a list, alongside books by Boccaccio, Erasmus, and Machiavelli, that the Church wished to burn.  But in the world Poggio inhabited, it was still permissible, even fashionable, to reveal what was, in any case, widely understood.  Poggio could write of the institution where he spent most of his working life that “there is seldom room for talent or honesty; everything is obtained through intrigue or luck, not to mention money, which seems to hold supreme sway over the world.”

153-54
Poggio was highly self-conscious about these letters, and expected them to circulate, but his book mania, expressed again and again, seems unguarded, candid, and authentic.  It was the key to a feeling singularly inappropriate to a papal bureaucrat: freedom.  “Your Poggio,” he wrote, “is content with very little and you shall see this for yourself; sometimes I am free for reading, free from all care about public affairs which I leave to my superiors.  I live free as much as I can.”  Freedom here has nothing to do with political liberty or a notion of rights or the license to say whatever he wished or the ability to go wherever he chose.  It is rather the experience of withdrawing inwardly from the press of the world, in which he himself was so ambitiously engaged, and ensphering himself in a space apart.  For Poggio, that experience was what it meant to immerse himself in an ancient book:  “I am free for reading.”

Poggio savored the feeling of freedom at those times when the usual Italian political disorder became particularly acute or when the papal court was in an uproar or when his own personal ambitions were thwarted or, perhaps equally threatening, when those ambitions were realized.  Hence it was a feeling to which he must have clung with particular intensity when sometime after 1410, having amply displayed his gifts as a humanist scribe, a learned writer, and a court insider, he accepted the most prestigious and most dangerous appointment of his career, the post   of apostolic secretary to the sinister, sly, and ruthless Baldassare Cossa, who had been elected pope.

A PIT TO CATCH FOXES
Chapter Seven

157
The relics of the fallen greatness only made the experience of the present more melancholy.  In the company of his humanist friends, Poggio could try to conjure up what it all must once have look like: “Cast your eyes on the Palatine hill, and seek, among the shapeless and enormous fragments, the marble theatre, the obelisks, the colossal statues, the porticoes of Nero’s palace.”  But it was to the shattered present that, after his brief imaginary excursions into antiquity, the papal bureaucrat always had to return.

157-58
The present, in the turbulent years that Rome was ruled by John XXIII, must have threatened not only to extinguish the occasional “freedom” Poggio prized but also to drag him into cynicism so deep that there could be no escape.  For the question with which Poggio and others in Rome grappled was how they could retain even the shreds of a moral sensibility while living and working with this particular pope.  A decade older than his apostolic secretary Poggio, Baldassare Cossa had been born on the small volcanic island of Procida, near Naples.  His noble family held the island as its personal possession, the hidden coves and well-defended fortress evidently well suited to the principal family occupation, piracy.

165-66
The correspondence that the secretaries copied out for their pope attempted to turn the focus away from the schism and from papal corruption and toward someone whose name Poggio must have begun to write in official documents again and again.

Forty-four-year-old Jan Hus, a Czech priest and religious reformer, had been for some years a thorn in the side of the Church.  From his pulpit and in his writings, he vehemently attacked the abuses of clerics, condemning their widespread greed, hypocrisy, and sexual immorality.  He denounced the selling of indulgences as a racket, a shameless attempt to profit from the fears of the faithful.  He urged his congregants not to put their faith in the Virgin, the cult of the saints, the Church, or the pope, but in God alone.  In all matters of doctrine he preached that Holy Scripture was the ultimate authority.

170-71
Seventy charges were formally read out against him [Cossa].  Fearing their effect on public opinion, the council decided to suppress the sixteen most scandalous charges, never subsequently revealed, and accused the pontiff only of simony, sodomy, rape, incest, torture, and murder.  He was charged with poising his predecessor, along with his physician and others.  Worst of all, at least among the charges that were made public, was one that his accusers dredged up from the ancient struggle against Epicureanism: the pope was said to have maintained stubbornly, before reputable persons, that there was no future life or resurrection, and that the souls of men perish with their bodies, like brutes.

On May 29, 1415, he was formally deposed.  Stricken from the roster of official popes, the name John XXIII was once again available, though it took more than five hundred years for another pope, the remarkable Angelo Roncalli, to be courageous enough in 1958 to adopt the name for himself.

176
He is describing the scenes at the baths, he tells his friend, “so that you may understand from a few examples what a great center of the Epicurean way of thinking this is.”

With his contrasting vision of anxious, work-obsessed, overly disciplined Italians and happy-go-lucky, carefree Germans, Poggio believed he glimpsed for a moment the Epicurean pursuit of pleasure as the highest good.  He knew perfectly well that this pursuit ran counter to Christian orthodoxy.  But in Baden it was as if he found himself on the threshold of a mental world in which Christian rules no longer applied.

In his reading, Poggio had frequently stood on that threshold.  He never ceased to occupy himself with the pursuit of lost classical texts.  Judging from a remark by Niccoli, he spent some of his time in Constance looking through the library collections, there in the monastery of St. Mark he evidently found a copy of an ancient commentary on Virgil.  In the early summer of 1415, probably just after his master had been formally deposed and he found himself definitively out of work, he made his way to Cluny, in France, where he found a codex with seven orations by Cicero, two of which had been unknown.  He sent this precious manuscript to his friends in Florence and also made a copy in his own hand . . .

179-81
The expedition to the monastery was expensive, and Poggio was perennially short of money: such was the consequence of his decision not to take the profitable route of priesthood.  Back in Constance his money worries deepened, as he found himself dangling, without work and without clear prospects.  His deposed master, Baldassare Cossa, was desperately negotiating a quiet retirement for himself.  After spending three years in prison, he eventually bought his release and was made a cardinal in Florence, where he died in 1419, his elegant tomb by Donatello erected in the baptistery of the Duomo.  A other pope Poggio had earlier worked for, the deposed Gregory XII, died during this same period.  The last thing he said was “I have not understood the world, and the world has not understood me.”

It was high time for a prudent, highly trained bureaucrat, almost forty years old, to look out for himself and find some stable means of support.  But Poggio did nothing of the kind.  Instead, a few months after his return from St. Gall, he left Constance again, this time apparently without companions.  His craving to discover and to liberate whatever noble beings were hidden in the prison house had evidently only intensified.  He had no idea what he would find; he only knew that if it was something ancient and written in elegant Latin, then it was worth rescuing at all costs.  The ignorant, indolent monks, he was convinced, were locking away traces of a civilization far greater than anything the world had known for more than a thousand years.

Of course, all Poggio could hope to find were pieces of parchment, and not even very ancient ones.  But for him these were not manuscripts but human voices.  What emerged from the obscurity of the library was not a link in a long chain of texts, one copies from the other, but rather the thing itself, wearing borrowed garments, or even the author himself, wrapped in gravecloths and stumbling into the light

“We accept Aesculapius as belonging among the gods because he called back Hippolytus, as well as others from the underworld,” Francesco Barbaro wrote to Poggio after hearing of his discoveries;

If people, nations, and provinces have dedicated shrines to him, what might I think ought to be done for you, if that custom had not already been forgotten?  You have revived so many illustrious men and such wise men, who were dead for eternity, through whose minds and teachings not only we but our descendants will be able to live well and honourable.

Books that had fallen out of circulation and were sitting in German libraries were thus transformed into wise men who had died and whose souls had been imprisoned in the underworld; Poggio, the cynical papal secretary in the service of the famously corrupt pope, was viewed by his friends as a culture hero, a magical healer who reassembled and reanimated the torn and mangled body of antiquity.

Thus it was that in January 1417, Poggio found himself once again in a monastic library, probably Fulda.  There he took from the self a long poem whose author he may have recalled seeing mentioned in Quintilian or in the chronicle compiled by St. Jerome: T. LUCRETI CARI DE RERUM NATURA.


THE WAY THINGS ARE
CHAPTER EIGHT

194
Almost all religious faiths incorporate the myth of such a sacrifice, and some have actually made it real.  Lucretius had in mind the sacrifice of Iphegenia by her father Agamemnon, but he may also have been aware of the Jewish story of Abraham and Isaac and other comparable Near Eastern stories for which the Romans of his times had a growing taste.  Writing around 50 BCE he could not, of course, have anticipated the great sacrifice myth that would come to dominate the Western world, but he would not have been surprised by it or by the endlessly reiterated, prominently displayed images of the bloody, murdered son.

199
The exercise of reason is not available only to specialists; it is accessible to everyone.  What is needed is to refuse the lies proffered by priests and other fantasymongers and to look squarely and calmly at the true nature of things.  All speculation, all science, all morality, all attempts to fashion a life worth living, must start and end with a comprehension of the invisible seeds of things: atoms and the void and nothing else.

It might seem at first that this comprehension would inevitably bring with it a sense of cold emptiness, as if the universe had been robbed of its magic.  But being liberated from harmful illusions is not the same as disillusionment.  The origin of philosophy, it was often said in the ancient world, was wonder: surprise and bafflement led to a desire to know, and knowledge in turn laid the wonder to rest.  But in Lucretius’ account the process is something like the reverse: it is knowing the way things are that awakens the deepest wonder.

200
On the Nature of Things is that rarest of accomplishments: a great work of philosophy that is also a great poem.  Inevitably, compiling a list of propositions, as I have done, obscures Lucretius’ astonishing poetic power, a power he himself downplayed when he compared his verses to honey smeared around the lip of a cup containing medicine that a sick man might otherwise refuse to drink.  The downplaying is not altogether surprising: his philosophical master and guide, Epicurus, was suspicious of eloquence and thought that the truth should be uttered in plain, unadorned prose. 

. . . the poetic greatness of Lucretius’ work is not incidental to his visionary project, his attempt to wrest the truth away from illusion-mongerers.  Why should the tellers of fables, he thought, possess the pleasure and beauty of the world?  Without those means, the world we inhabit runs the risk of seeming inhospitable, and for their comfort people will prefer to embrace fantasies, if those fantasies are destructive.  With the aid of poetry, however, the actual nature of things, an infinite number of indestructible particles swerving into one another, hooking together, coming to life, coming apart, reproducing, dying, recreating themselves, forming an astonishing, constantly changing universe, can be depicted in its true splendor.

202
[re: Botticelli’s painting of Venus]

THE RETURN
CHAPTER NINE

SWERVES
CHAPTER TEN

220
By the 1490s, then, some sixty or seventy years after Lucretius’ poem was returned to circulation, atomism was sufficiently present in Florence to make it worth ridiculing.  Its presence did not mean that its positions were openly embraced as true.  No prudent person stepped forward and said, “I think that the world is only atoms and void; that, in body and soul, we are only fantastically complex structures of atoms linked for a time and destined one day to come apart.”  No respectable citizen openly said, “The soul dies with the body.  There is no judgment after death.  The universe was not created for us by divine power, and the whole notion of the afterlife is a superstitious fantasy.”  No one who wished to live in peace stood up in public and said, “The preachers who tell us to live in fear and trembling are lying.  God has no interest in our actions, and though nature is beautiful and intricate, there is no evidence of an underlying intelligent design.  What should matter to us is the pursuit of pleasure, for pleasure is the highest goal of existence.”  No one said, “Death is nothing to us and no concern of our.”  But these subversive, Lucretian thoughts percolated and surfaced wherever the Renaissance imagination was at its most alive and intense.

225
What mattered was not adherence but mobility, the renewed mobility of a poem that had been resting untouched in one or a most two monastic libraries for many centuries, the mobility of Epicurean arguments that had been silenced first by hostile pagans and then by hostile Christians, the mobility of daydreams, half-formed speculations, whispered doubts, dangerous thoughts.

225-26
Valla found a way to take one central Epicurean argument, the praise of pleasure as the ultimate good, and give it sympathetic articulation in a dialogue.  That argument is detached from the full philosophical structure that gave it its original weight and finally repudiated.  But the dialogue’s Epicurean speaks in defense of pleasure with an energy, subtlety, and persuasiveness that had not been heard for more than a millennium.

263
[last sentence in the book]  “I am an Epicurean.”  Thomas Jefferson

Friday, June 1, 2012

SEX, MOM, and GOD


113   SEX, MOM, AMD GOD, Frank Schaeffer, Da Capo Press, Cambridge, MA, 2011

ix-x
Mom divided everything into Very Important Things, say, Jesus, Virginity, Japanese Flower Arrangements, Lust, See-through Black Lingerie (to be enjoyed only after marriage), and everything else, say, those things that barely registered on my mother’s To-Do List, like home-schooling me.  So I’ll be capitalizing some words oddly in this book, such as Sin, God, Love, and Girls, and also words like Him when referring to God.  I’m not doing this as a theological statement but as a nervous tic, a leftover from my Edith Schaeffer-shaped childhood and also to signal what Loomed Large to my mother and what still Looms Large to me.

4
. . . the words of the Bible, or even a few notes of an old hymn, cast a shadow of bittersweet nostalgia that defies reason as thoroughly as a whiff of perfume reminds a man of his first lover and evokes a longing that cuts to the heart.

29
The Evangelical ghetto is a network of personality cults operating, as far as nepotistic leadership and succession goes . . .

30
I wasted ten years or so of my life chasing “success” in Evangelical and other right-wing circles.  Other than collecting material for future novels (and memoirs), I regret every moment I spent selling myths to the deluded, or I should say that I regret selling myths to myself and then passing them on to people as deluded as I was.  Then I escaped, or maybe not.  I’m still writing about those experiences.

33
Mom was not alone in struggling to make sure people knew that just because she believed in Jesus and was a fundamentalist (in the sense that she held to a literal six-day creation, a universal flood, and so forth) didn’t make her crazy.  Believing in invisible things breeds an inferiority complex among people competing with science for hearts and minds.  Many religious fundamentalists feel under siege by the secular world and harbor a deeply paranoid sense of victimhood.  I think of those who turn their sense of victimhood into material and political success and their claims of persecution into strategies of achieving power as Jesus Victims.  I don’t mean they are victims of Jesus, accruing power through the rhetoric of sacrifice and persecution and grasping at conspiracy theories about how the nefarious “World” and all “Those Liberals” are out to do them in.  It is this Jesus Victim note of self-pity that ties together “These People,” as some smug secularists might label all conservative religious believers.

51
In reaction to the fear and loathing of Sex, women, and intimacy that resulted from the biblical teachings against premarital Sex, let along against women’s vile uncleanness, a rebellion took place.  This rebellion against fear and antisexual prejudice was ushered in by the “free love” prophets-for-profit like Hugh Heffner.  But what started in the 1950s and 1960s as an attempt to balance sexual fear with sanity tumbled into yet another example of dysfunctional American extremism.  This happened because the practitioners of three American belief systems (that are so intense they might as well be religions) unwittingly colluded:  Progressives (absolutist believers in unregulated Free Speech), conservatives (absolutist believers in unregulated Free Enterprise), and conservative Christians (absolutist believers in the uncleanness of Sex between anyone not married in a heterosexual “traditional” marriage) created a sordid monster – Porn-Gone-Nuts.

73
There is another choice: To admit that the best of any religious tradition depends on the choices its adherents make on how to live despite what their holy books “say,” not because of them.  “But where would that leave me?” my former self would have asked.  “I’d be adrift in an ocean of uncertainty.”  Yes, and perhaps that’s the only honest place to be.  Another name for uncertainty is humility.  No one ever blew up a mosque, church, or abortion clinic after yelling. “I could be wrong.”

83-84
The books written by “New Atheists” like Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, and Sam Harris attack God by attacking religion.  But that’s not an argument that even begins to address the question of God (or some other outside power’s meddling in the formation of the Universe, let along first causes in cosmology).  The New Atheists’ arguments make sense only as attacks on religion.  There’s plenty to attack.  But who says religion as practiced today, let along as “revealed” in holy books, has anything to do with an actual Creator?  As Vincent Bugliosi writes in his remarkable book Divinity of Doubt, “Harris (like Hitchens) seems to believe something that is so wrong it is startling that someone of his intellect wouldn’t see it immediately, that gutting religion (as Harris tries to do my his technique of decimating faith that fosters religion), does not, ipso facto, topple God.”

85
. . . by the time the writers of the New Testament were remembering forty, fifty, sixty years later what Jesus had said, they were also building a self-interested organization based on His life.  They were settling disputes and splits among themselves.  What better way to strengthen their arguments than to draft The Master, in 20/20 hindsight, into supporting them in various Early Church turf wars and their fights with each other.  How better to win theological battles than to “quote” Jesus about the “correct” view of celibacy or how to “deal with” the Jews or how to scare the faithful into remaining faithful or how to encourage them to stay faithful in the face of Roman persecution?

86-87
Thom Stark begins his book The Human Faces of God: What Scripture Reveals When It Gets God Wrong (and Why Inerrancy Tries to Hide it) like this: “In the beginning was the Argument, and the Argument was with God, and the Argument was: God.  God was the subject of the Argument, and the Argument was a good one.  Who is God? What does God require of us?”

Stark explains, “The doctrine of biblical inerrancy dictates that the Bible, being inspired by God, is without error in everything that if affirms, historically, scientifically, and theologically.”  Stark develops a strong argument against this Evangelical/fundamentalist doctrine of inerrancy.  Here’s Stark’s conclusion:

The scriptures are not infallible.  Jesus was not infallible, or, if he was, we have no access to his infallibility.  So where is our foundation?  Upon what do we build our worldview, our ethics, our politics and our morality?  The answer is that there is no foundation.  There is no sure ground upon which to build our institutions.  And that is a good thing.  That is what I call grace.

An infallible Jesus, just like a set of infallible scriptures, is ultimately just a shortcut through our moral and spiritual development.  To have a book or a messenger dropped down from heaven, the likes of which is beyond the reach of all human criticism, is a dangerous shortcut.  It is no wonder humans have always attempted to create these kinds of foundations.  And it is a revelation of God’s character, from my perspective, that cracks have been found in each and every one of those foundations.

Maybe (if Stark is right) God feels slandered by the Bronze-Age-to-Roman-era “biography” of Him that, it turns out (judging by the insanity that makes up so much of the Bible), wasn’t an authorized biography, let alone an inspired one.  It seems to me that as far as the best parts of Christianity go, traditions of beauty in art, music, and literature and the humanism expressed in the abolition of slavery movement and so forth, what might be called the good results are proof that enlightened believers have been picking and choosing all along when it comes to what they take seriously in the Bible.  For instance, many Christians were abolitionists in the fight against slavery.  Since the Bible, at best, cancels itself out on this subject, the clearly proslavery bits in juxtaposition to the enlightened do-unto-others bits, the Bible wasn’t the only source of the push for freedom.  That enlightenment came from within the hearts of men and women who then cast around for any supporting argument they could find, including some verses taken out of the general context of the proslavery sentiment expressed in the Bible.

To reject portions of the Bible is not necessarily to reject God or even the essence of Christianity.  A great deal of the Bible is contradicted by the Love that predates it and, more importantly, survives in you and me.  And that Love edits the Bible for us.  Call that editing the Holy Spirit, or call it a more evolved sense of ethics and human rights, but most people know what to follow and what to reject when it comes to how they live.  Sacrifice for others, not sacrifice of others, is the message of the “better angels” of spiritual faith.

88
The fact that religion has time and again been awful is no more here nr there when it comes to God than the fact that humans have damaged everything we’ve touched is an argument for the liquidation of every human being.  Indeed, how could religion be anything but a mess?  We invented it!  That doesn’t mean that the longing for meaning that drove us to invent religion isn’t a reflection of something real: a Creator Who many of us sense is there but Who is also beyond description.

I think that the best argument for God’s existence is that humans long for meaning.  A corollary is that the word “beauty,” however indefinable, means something real to most people.  And then there’s that question about the origin of everything, to which, I think, the only sensible answer is a resoundingly agnostic “We’ll never know.”  Meanwhile science truthfully explains our evolution from single-celled organisms.  But it doesn’t tell me why I know Bach’s Partita 1 en Si Mineur Double: Presto is more important than a jingle for MacDonald’s Corporation. And even if brain chemistry unravels this secret, it will reveal the how, not the why.  But you and I know that when the MacDonald’s Corporation is long forgotten, chances are Bach’s music will have survived.  Our longing for God (by whatever name) will also be there as one constant in a future that otherwise may not be recognizable.

100-101
The Reconstructionist worldview is ultra-Calvinist but, like all Calvinism, has its origins in ancient Israel/Palestine, when vengeful and ignorant tribal lore was written down by frightened men (the nastier authors of the Bible) trying to defend their prerogatives to bully women, murder rival tribes, and steal land.  (These justifications may have reflected later thinking: origin myths used as propaganda to justify political and military actions after the fact, such as the brutality the Hebrews said God made them inflict on others and/or their position as the “Chosen People.”)

153
Serendipitous, messy, and joy-filled bodily-fluid-lubricated natural life, babies, and grandbabies (in other words, Love) matter most to me.  I hope, Ma Chreie, that you found your own version of what Genie and I (and you and me almost) stumbled into by dumb luck and horny abandon, a life full of children, grandchildren, and friendship.

160
My politics was changing.  By then I saw the neoconservatives as a threat to America and beyond.  War without end, often in “defense of Israel,” seemed to be all the neoconservatives     were really about as they fixated on a worship of military brute force put in service of some fuzzy imperial idea of so-called American exceptionalism. . .

162-163
Major newspapers let down their readers rather badly.  Maybe they just couldn’t bring themselves to take what they regarded as rube religion seriously.  The New York Times didn’t even bother to review Reagan’s antiabortion book, failing to mark the moment when a U.S. president officially signaled that the Republican Party had become the antiabortion party and would from them on be defined by one social issue above all others.

164
Pride and company would have claimed to be patriotic, but their loyalty was to a “Christian America.”  They seemed to have nothing but contempt for America as it actually was.  They also ignored America’s complex roots, as described wonderfully by the historian and cultural critic Jacque Barzun, who writes:

Our [American]  spirit is watered by three streams of thought, originally distinct, but here mingled: The eighteenth century enlightenment view of progress toward social reason, or what we Americans know as the Jeffersonian ideal; The Romanticist view of man’s diversity, inventiveness and love of risk by which society is forever kept in flux, forever changing; The native tradition of Deafness to Doctrine which permits our Federal system to subsist at the same time as it provides free room for carrying out the behests of our other two beliefs.

175-175
The Far Right intellectual enablers began by questioning abortion rights, gay rights, school prayer rulings, and so forth.  What they ended up doing was to help foster a climate in which, in the eyes of a dangerous and growing (mostly white lower class undereducated gun-toting) minority, the very legitimacy of the U.S. government was called into question, sometimes in paranoid generalities, but often with ridiculous specificity: for instance, in the persistent lie that President Obama was not a citizen or was a Muslim or that the Federal Reserve and/or United Nations were somehow involved in a plot to “take away our freedoms” or that sensible gun control equaled “tyranny.”

180
In the minds of Evangelicals, they were recreating the Puritan’s self-exile from England by looking for a purer and better place, this time not a geographical “place” but a sanctuary within their minds (and in inward-looking schools and churches) undisturbed by facts.  Like the Puritans, the post-Roe Evangelicals (and many other conservative Christians) withdrew from the mainstream not because they were forced to but because the society around them was, in their view, fatally sinful and, worse, addicted to facts rather than to faith.  And yet having “dropped out” (to use a 1960s phrase), the Evangelicals nevertheless kept on demanding that regarding “moral” and “family” matters the society they’d renounced nonetheless had to conform to their beliefs.

217
The tension between the beauty of life-giving and the slavery of some unwanted pregnancies can’t be resolved by a one-size-fit-all law or moral teaching.  But science, aesthetics, emotions, evidence, and the collective wisdom and compassion that exist in religious teachings about loving they neighbor must be given their due when we’re trying to figure out how to reconcile the irreconcilable as best we can.

“As best we can” is not perfect.  And that is where both sides in the abortion debate fail when they seem willing to tear our culture apart (not to mention constantly derail the whole progressive agenda and set it back decades) in order to stick to their fundamentalist purity on “the issue.”  One side sweeps the fetus under a “rug” of moral platitudes about female empowerment, and the other does the same to women with platitudes about the sacredness of life.

233
“Kiss her!” screamed My Penis, sensing an opportunity slipping away.

234
Individuals my mother admired most were what she called “artistic types.”  Creativity was Mom’s favorite word, followed closely by Continuity.  Those two words, or should I say the meaning my mother gave them, came into conflict when my mother fell in love.

236-237
Whenever Mom and Dad were or weren’t doing with the men and women they very obviously had crushes on from time to time, Dad clearly favored certain young women over others, they did their best to set their children on a monogamous path.  They extolled the virtues of family life and, above all, of Continuity.  Of commonsense biological/psychological fact: Humans are programmed to be jealous nest-makers who (usually) don’t like to live along or be cheated on.

I think that my parents were right about the benefits of monogamy because I think that their beliefs happened to tap into larger reality of evolutionary psychology.  I don’t agree with Mom and Dad’s God-Will-Hate-You-If-You-Sleep-Around theology of monogamy, but speaking in practical terms (and with apologies to Winston Churchill), I do believe that monogamy is the worst form of all sexual relationships, except for everything else that has been tried.  Brain, Penis, Vagina, and Heart my bicker among themselves, but I think that kindness and common sense should win the genitals-versus-brain debate whenever possible.  Hurting your partner’s feelings is stupid.

238
We sat in silence together for a long time.

“You should have gone with him,” I said at last.

“No, Dear, I should not have gone with him,” said Mom.  “To destroy a family, you have to have a real reason.  Fran is a good husband as far as he’s able to be, and I love him.  You know that I do, in spite of everything.  Also, you were too young to go through that.  I love you.”

“I know,” I said. “I love you, too.”

Noel was the embodiment of Creativity.

My mother’s family was the embodiment of Continuity.

Mom chose Continuity.  There was one small happy ending, besides Mom defending her children by not leaving Dad: Years later Mo told Genie that after I’d confronted Dad, he never hit her again.

244
If you stick out the bad patches of life, fight to make them better, and hang on to what counts, one day you may wake up to discover that the best gift is a grandchild.

246-247
Mom’s best efforts to rehabilitate The-God-Of-The-Bible’s sexual dysfunction failed.  The sexual sickness that cripples The-God-Of-The-Bible is catching.  Worshipping a “God” who sniffs around women’s menstrual cycles, hands virgins to warriors to be raped as a reward, worries about who ejaculates where, wants unmarried women who lose their virginity (premarriage) stoned to death, recommends castration so that men can become eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, is the sort of “Good” who winds up attracting the worst sorts of nuts to His “cause.”  And those born into that cause imbibe deeply from a well of sexual dysfunction before they make any choices of their own.  They, we, are marked for life.

259-260
When I got Genie pregnant, I was deemed normal within the Evangelical ghetto in which I was raised.  I could sleep with my sweetheart fearing no more than a reprimand for doing something “too soon” and “before marriage.”  I might have been called a sinner, but I never would have been castigated as a deviant and told to change my inner sexual self.  My “sins” left me respectably accepted within the camp of the righteous and still categorized as fully human. 

Moses was condemned by “moral” people as a “freak” for being born who he is and for possessing normal homosexual sexuality.  And so he stood there next to me facing death threats for having done no more than experience the same God-given emotions I had experienced when I met Genie.

261-262
Anne Hutchinson was a seventeenth-century settler in Massachusetts and an “unauthorized” Bible teacher in a dissident church group who, in the words of the state of Massachusetts monument honoring her, was a “courageous exponent of civil liberty and religious toleration.”  Hutchinson was also a student of the Bible, which she interpreted by the light of what she termed her own “divine inspiration.”

In other words, Hutchinson came to believe that in order to remain both a Christian  and a sane and decent being, she had to pick and choose what she believed in her tradition.  Hutchinson was banished from the colony for her stand.  And Hutchinson, like all people of goodwill informed by the love-your-neighbor ethic, carried within her evolving ethical self the ability to “listen” for the Lord’s “prophetical office” to “open scripture” (as she called it).

Hutchinson seems to have concluded that religious believers should worship God, not the books about  God.  Another way to state her case is that God does not reveal Himself, Herself, or Themselves through books but through the heart and the “prophetical office” of the heart.

Our hearts connect to a truth larger than ourselves: Love of others in the context of community.

That is the only value of formal religion. It provides the place and time for the liturgies through which we may unite with others heart-to-heart to seek out those mysterious truths that words can’t describe but that the doing of ritual helps us tap into.

And this idea isn’t some modern-era “Liberal” view or even original with the “heretic” Anne Hutchinson.  A thread of open interpretation of the Scriptures and religious tradition goes back to the beginnings of the Christian era and coexists with the narrower, harsher view of God.  That “threat” teaches that we do not find God through dogma but through stillness of the soul.  In that quiet place we may be given the gift of encountering something bigger and more beautiful than ourselves.

First-century Church Father Tertullian summed up this more enlightened view, exhorting the faithful, “That which is infinite is known only to itself.  This it is which gives some notion of God, while yet beyond all our conceptions, our very incapacity of fully grasping Him affords us the idea of what He really is.  He is presented to our minds in His transcendent greatness, as at once know and unknown.”

A whole antifundamentalist, antitheology thread in church history came to be called apophatic theology, or the theology of not knowing.  This merciful and open tradition takes a mystical approach (similar to Hutchison’s) related to individual experiences of the Divine, which are given by God as a gift, not acquired or demanded.

Apophatic theology teaches that the Divine is ineffable, something that can be recognized only when it is felt after it is given.  All we can “do” is shut up, listen, and wait.  This ancient tradition, this humane thread, flies in the face of today’s Evangelical myths about an “inerrant,” let alone literal, Bible.

263
To be true to what I hope is the heart of the best of the universal religious message, I want to say the redemption through selflessness, hope, and Love necessitates a new and fearless repudiation of the parts of holy books and traditions, be they Jewish, Christian, Muslim (or other), that bring us messages of hate, exclusion, racism, ignorance, misogyny, homophobia, tribalism, and fear.  To find any spiritual truth within any religion’s holy books, we must mentally edit them by the light God has placed in each of us.  As Anne Hutchinson put it at her trial, “The Lord knows that I could not open scripture; he must by his prophetical office open it unto me.”

Those who wish to live as Christians, Jews, Muslims, agnostics, or atheists by following the humble apophatic thread, as opposed to those who wish to force others to be like them by using Christianity, Judaism, Islam, or doctrinaire secularism as a weapon, must shift from unquestioning faith in the Bible, Quran, Torah, or science to a life-affirming message of transcendence.

278
. . . both the religious fundamentalist and the higher-education-worshiping consumer/choice models of existence and everything that goes with both “dogmas” fly in the face of the reality of what we fundamentally are: tribal, communal, and family-seeking animals craving Unconditional Love and Continuity and Creativity.